03.07.12
Posted in Uncategorized at 5:14 am by Administrator
Part of heading this organization is listening. The phone rings and sometimes on the other end is a frightened person newly diagnosed flooded with emotions, uncertainty, and dispair. I listen as they weep, their voice shaking trying to form the words into sentences describing the conversation they just had with their Oncologist. Sometimes there is silence between us, with an instant connection. There is a person on the other end, a person.
Today I had the opportunity to consult a person who had a double mastectomy. Those of you who know me, know my first remark is not, “I know what you are going through”. Even though I have had a double mastectomy, does not give me the right to assume, I know what she has gone through. I have empathy.
She is struggling with whether or not she should confess the fact that she had a double mastectomy to a gentleman she just started to date . She is also struggling with whether or not she should go out in public with/without a prosthetic bra. First of all, I applaud any woman who makes a decision solely based on her wants and needs and not the wants and needs of that of her husbands or partner and the fact that she came to accept her diagnosis, worked with it and accepted it as part of her life! I’m applauding still at the fact that she got right back out there. She put herself out there wanting to move forward in a personal relationship. Let me tell you from experience, it is not easy after any devasting diagnosis or treatment or therapy of any illness to get back out there and start dating. Dating is difficult enough for any person let alone, a woman with a double mastectomy!
I encourage any woman in any situation, any circumstances, be true to yourself. If you want to go without a prosthetic bra in public, then do it. There are fashionable clothes that give the appearance of breasts. Go shopping! I have put my prothesis back in the box. It was too much of a daily chore for me to put them on, take them off. I got creative and made several padded sports bras and that’s what I wear. Easy on, easy off and the appearance is there. I’m starting to date now as well. It took me a long time to put my self out there. I was guilty of not being true to myself and allowed the men I was dating determine my self worth. Big mistake. I was miserable. I stopped dating for 4 yrs.
I woke up one morning wanting to make a change. Something was missing in my life, companionship. I asked myself some tough questions; Why should I hide? Why should I let them determine who I am. I am a woman and I have a lot to offer. I went on a date the other day, he looked at my eye’s and my hair! (I was wearing my padded bra, but the focus was above the chest). If it goes anywhere, I don’t know, but I had to give it a shot for me.
As a woman living with cancer my reply was; “Confess what, to who and why?”. “You are a woman first and foremost. “As women, we need to be comfortable with our decision and not look for acceptance from anybody”. Only you can make that decision. You need to do what’s right for you. Whatever you decide, if you decide reconstructive surgery is for you, do it for you. You need to be happy! It’s a personal decision, one that only we can make. I advise talking to other women who have had breast cancer. My answer to whether or not to tell your date that you had a double mastectomy; tell him as the relationship develops. You will know when it’s the right time.
Then, came my quote per old wise woman, “What I am is a whole person with some handicaps. I am not a handicap waiting to be fullfilled by someone accepting me”.
Nobody can make that decision for you. You are beautiful! And in my opinion, you don’t need breast to make you whole. You don’t need people in your life that can’t accept you as you are. If they don’t, it’s their personality flaw, not yours. You fought. You won. Be proud! I am.
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09.14.11
Posted in Uncategorized at 11:07 pm by Administrator
In December of 2000 I was diagnosed with Stage 3 C Ovarian Cancer and given 3-5 yrs with a 30% chance that I would live that long. My daughter, Sarah was still living at home as well as my son, Jason. They saw first hand the everyday ugly that cancer brought into our lives as well as the hope that a family shared.
Early in her teen years my daughter started writing her thoughts onto paper. I encouraged my family, both sons and daughters to journal their thoughts as a way to pen the frustrations of the day and the highlights, their goals and fears. Being home, Sarah witnessed many emotions from me, her father and herself. A confusing time for any family. She communicated my progress with her brother and sister that were living outside of the house. For Jeremy and Misty it was difficult for them not being in the home with me.
Today I was looking for a pair of earrings wanting to wear them. This was something that I used to do which gave me great pleasure, they made me feel pretty, and good about myself. The loss of my Mother has given me thoughts about the value of life. This is something I have known in the past and seemed to have forgotten by getting wrapped up in a case of mild depression and worry. A sort of a feeling sorry for myself due to the difficulties of not understanding why we behave the way we do, why people act differently towards somebody that may have an illness or experience death and grieve differently. Tears are not a measurement of grief. I have learned to accept that I cannot change or control how people behave. I can only control how I choose to react to negative behavior. My new found acceptance has lead to get out of bed and take life, my life and rediscover it.
I started caring (again) about my appearance. If I dress good, I feel good. If I feel good, I spread cheer. People tend to gravitate to a cheerful well adjusted person rather a negative one and this is what I want to attract, positive people in my life. So here I am, looking for earrings and I come across a letter from my daughter which also enlightens me as to how our loved one’s feel. They too are scared maybe more than we as we tend to handle our prognosis differently. First with fear, then anger. We tend to be strong for our families when in reality we too are still scared but we can’t show it for them. Every time, my daughter left my bedside, I cried silent tears, I didn’t want her to know that Mom was scared. If you take nothing else from this, please take this; live together and accept each other as individuals. We can’t all be the same, that would be boring. Invite diversity into your lives. Live a life, your life and not someone else’s.
My letter from my daughter: Implanted Memory: Last December my Mom and Dad told me that my Mother had Ovarian Cancer in the third stage. At that moment, I was not sure what to do, if I should be strong or if I should cry and hope for the best, so I did both. I let my tears flow like a rushing river out of my eye’s. But I also told myself, I would do all I could for my Mom and for my family. I was also very scared because I knew our lives were going to change and I knew my Mom would not be the same.
My Mom had to go to the hospital for a few days because she needed to have surgery. So Dad, Jason and I got up early to see her before she went in. When I walked in the room I saw my Mom crying. I sat down beside her and hugged her, we both cried. And Mom told me she was going to be fine because she was going to fight this. And she always said that nothing could break up the family, so I knew she meant it.
My brother was there with us and I was holding his hand while sitting next to my beautiful Mom. My brother is handicapped so he didn’t fully understand what was happening to Mom except for the fact, we may lose her. All he could say was, “this is crazy”, Mom can come home”. For some reason it put a smile on my face. Then my Dad came in with a smile and it helped lighten up the mood.
I was looking around the room and my eye’s fell on the dry erase board that was on the wall and I decided to color a picture for Mom. I knew the holidays always meant so much to her and Christmas was just around the corner. I drew pictures of Christmas and our family. At the top I wrote, “Mom’s happy thought”. Mom loved it, she wouldn’t let anyone erase it. I knew a simple thing like that would keep my Mom smiling and would give her the courage and strength to want to go home as well as the strength to want to keep living. She knew that nothing would be the same especially around the holidays if she were to leave us because Mom is the one who makes sure that everyone is home and happy. And this was my way of telling her that I still needed her.
My Mom is a very strong and spirited person. She amazingly pulled through her operation and through the dreadful chemotherapy’s. I never saw someone fight so hard and with as much spirit as my Mom did. I am glad that the hard part is over and she is recovering because my Mom is the greatest most spirited person there is. She is my best friend. And a life without my Mom is not much of a life to live.
Dear Daughter; Thank you. I have indeed decided to live. The things that I thought were important these past 2 years, really aren’t. I am living, and I am living happy. And, I’m going shopping for new earrings! Love Mom. (posted by Diana Paradowski)
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09.29.10
Posted in Uncategorized at 6:42 am by Administrator
The words forming from the mouth of the Oncologist; “You have cancer” is what we fear when there is a family history of cancer and when we experience symptoms that bring us to the Oncologist office. After we hear those words we shut down. Slow motion takes over and our minds start to wander. Suddenly we find ourselves planning our childrens meals for the next few months, their school days and bedtimes as we know we will be in the fight of our lives. We plan our husband’s day, month and even the next year as we know he will have to pick up the pace. We begin to make a list of the things we need to pick up at the store after our appointment that will make our husband and children’s day to day living easier while we go through treatment. When we get home we become busy we organize and we plan. At the end of the day if we allow ourselves to think about what just happened, what we were just told, we allow ourselves to have our much needed meltdown.
My youngest sister, age 43, was just diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. She underwent a total hysterectomy and is due to start treatment within 2-3 weeks. I recently finished treatments for recurrent Ovarian Cancer and my other younger sister (45) is a Breast Cancer survivor as is my mother who is also living with Leukemia. I feel fortunate to have been able to take what my mother has given me strength and hope. I am a strong woman as my strength came from watching my mother as she lived and continues to live with cancer. She handled her disease with such grace and strength. Watching her set the pace for me as the years passed I would take what I have learned from her and apply those strengths to how I would be able to handle and fight this disease. When my sister contracted Breast cancer I was anxious to assist her emotionally and I was armed with information awaiting to pass on to her what to expect and how I handled this disease in hopes she would take my experiences and use it as a tool. My sister handled her disease like my mother and I did, head on. She’s a warrior princess. A strong and determined woman and I know that she too also siphered some of our mother’s strength and applied them to her own and as a warrior she fought back and became armed and dangerous defeating cancer.
My youngest sister will also take the information I have given her and the strength she has seen from my mother, my sister and myself and apply those to her battle with cancer and she too will defeat cancer. We are sisters living with cancer and it started with our mother the greatest warrior of all of us.
Every day women are being diagnosed with cancer; breast, ovarian, lung, brain, colon, thyroid etc….. it doesn’t matter whether or not we are related. It doesn’t matter if we know each other. It doesn’t matter what type of cancer we have been diagnosed with. What matters is that we all share one common thread and that is hope. We also have the ability to share to open up tell our stories and protect eachother. Whether or not we are single mother’s, or single women, married, divorced or come from different backgrounds regardless of our status we are planners and protectors, caregivers, teachers and nurturers. We are sisters fighting together and together we become strengthened. Together we will defeat cancer.
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06.22.10
Posted in Uncategorized at 2:31 pm by Administrator
Hello Alger County! What gorgeous weather we are having. I’d like to introduce you to our blog. If I do this right, we will all be able to blog, post comments, share our stories, network and get rid of a little frustration. Wish me luck in getting this blog set up. Check back frequently!
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